Geographically, that is.

I never planned to return to Dallas post-grad. I never planned to stay in Dallas for over a year once I moved back. I never planned this.

I planned to live in Nashville, New York, or some other thriving city. I planned to move far, far away from the troubles I experienced in Texas.

I planned to leave the version of little, old me I had become, in an attempt to become a little, old me I always dreamt of being.

But here I am.

Here I am, in Dallas, TX. Here I am, living north of 635 (even though I’d prefer to be an Uptown Girl — hey @Billy Joel). Here I am, with a cat in my household.

I didn’t plan any of this.

Though I don’t geographically want to be here, I like to be here in many other areas:

  1. Emotionally- thanks to a lot of Jesus and a little therapy, I am at a place where I recognize and accept my feelings. Before Dallas, I simply didn’t address or cope with them. It was madly unhealthy.
  2. Physically- I am at a place where I workout more days than I don’t, and boy does it.feel.good.
  3. Mentally- I’ve battled some dips here and there, but there are more better days than worse, and that’s such a good place to be.
  4. Spiritually- Jesus Man is just throwing me happy, little curveballs left and right — and I LOVE them!

“Here am I, send me.”

It’s hard to say and even harder to apply. But when I feel bold and empowered and remember all that Jesus Man has done for me, I declare it.

“Hello, God. It’s me. Your daughter. Here I am! I’m Yours!” It’s a moment of vulnerability, me shouting out my availability. It’s a moment when I’m inarticulate, my lack of eloquence only highlights my uncertainty.

“Andiamo! Let’s go! Let’s do things! Let’s make Your Name known!” It’s a moment of excitement, where will He lead me? It’s a moment of slight panic, what exactly did I just sign up for?

I’m on day 608 of living in Dallas. Day 608 of saying yes to Jesus and no to wandering. Day 608 of letting myself settle in a place where I refuse to settle down.

It’s usually hard and not much fun, but it’s worth it. I may not be where I want to be, but here I am. Send me.

Posted by:Maelyn Schramm

Adopted from China, I hail from Dallas and spent a few years studying in Waco at Baylor University. As a young-adult, I'm learning how to get by with little money and lots of friends. My new blog, Call Me Mae Be, focuses on the intersection of faith, daily living, travel and wellness. Join me on this life journey!

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